Silent Tears
by Ayingott
Summary: This was also his new home. His new life. His hell. What happens when Ryoma, after changing so much, meets people from ten years ago. And falls in love again. Will this time be better than the last time? Yaoi, Royal Pair.
1. Night

Night.

The city illuminated with the many bright lights, people rushing home or going to work, some just hanging out with friends, some sleeping on the cold, hard ground, too drunk to go home. All the night and strip clubs flashing bright lights. Prostitutes selling their bodies to anyone that went past them.

This was also his new home. His new life. His hell.

He let out another fake moan of pleasure as the man pushed his member in him one more time. He was getting faster and faster and his fake moans became louder and louder.

No loving, lingering touches and caresses. No soft and romantic kisses.

Just rough, painful, passionless, pleasure less and loveless sex.

He wrapped his slim legs around the man to make him go deeper and hit that spot. The instant pleasure that washed through him made him see white and ha came, just moments after he felt the how the man came inside of him.

They lied in the bed to catch their breath. After some moments of silence he felt how the others weight left the bed and sat up to actually look at him for the first time this night.

He couldn't be older than 35 or so; the sort black hair was messy and damp with sweat. He was about to continue his examination, but the man came talked.

"You were as good as always Ao-chan'! I hope we can meet again sometime." He said as he handed 'Ao' large sum of money and smiled brightly before turning around and starting to get dressed.

'Ao' smiled a fake smile and said: "But of course we can, you just have to find me."

"Hahaha! That's certainly true." The man laughed and turned around to give 'Ao' one last lustful look and left the hotel room.

'Ao' sighed and let the fake smile drop from his face. He fell back down in the bed as stared at the dirty, grey ceiling. It's been so long since the last time he smiled, laughed for real and felt true pleasure, like, thrill and how long has it been since the last and only time he felt true love. He smirked to himself.

Too long apparently. He could barely remember how his own laugh sounded like, not to mention how his mile looked like.

He, Echizen Ryoma, threw his life away.

After sleeping like that for some time Ryoma got up and went to shower, after that he started to search for his clothes. In the middle of putting on his pants he suddenly turned his head and looked into the big mirror that covered almost half of the wall.

The picture that was reflected shoed someone broken, hurt, empty and most of all lonely. Someone who hadn't found his place, someone who had been hurt so much, that he could no longer fight.

He turned away from the mirror and finished dressing. After taking his money he also left the room.

The cool night air cooled him and his long hair waved a little with every blow. He sighed and started to walk in an unknown direction. He remembered the time when he was still smiling, still childish and innocent.

Still pure.

Ryoma wondered if the regulars have changed much in these past ten years, but then again, of course they would. No one can stay the same, everybody has to change or grow up at some point. Just look at him.

He used to be their pillar of support. He was the reason why they won the Nationals. They used him because of his skills in tennis, after he did his role that everything changed. He was no longer a best friend, pillar of support, team mate or rival.

He was no longer needed.

After he graduated Ryoma started his career as a pro tennis player. Even that didn't work out. It wasn't because of an injury or something like that. He just got tired of everyone wanting to just get him into their bed or going easy on him while playing just because he looked fragile.

He got sick of everything and left. Left without leaving any traces behind. He disappeared from everyone's life just like that and somehow ended up working as a prostitute.

Of course, this job was pathetic and just plainly disgusting sometimes, but at least he got what he wanted.

Warmth.

Warmth of another body. Even if it was only for a little while, it was enough to him. The money he didn't need. He just wanted love and warmth.

In these five years he became used to the pain and the pleasure that came from it. He was now addicted to it. Addicted to the ugly form of "love", that he enjoyed, and at the same time needed and hated, every night.

He himself knew, knew that he was just fooling himself. Trying to fill the emptiness in his heart and body.

He snapped out of his thoughts as something collided with his body. Ryoma lost his balance and started to fall, but strong hand caught him before he could even do as much as touch the hard ground. The same strong and, he only noticed it now; warm hands pulled him up and made sure he could stand on his own.

Ryoma looked up to say 'thank you' to the person that helped him, but found himself looking into eyes that he knew. He had seen then so long ago, that he knew, but at the same time he felt as thou he had only seen then yesterday.

The owner of those eyes looked at Ryoma and asked: "Echizen? Echizen Ryoma?"

* * *

**A/N: Again with my annoying rant as always. Anyway, this is the new story that I was talking about. The pairing is still undecided, but it will be either Royal or Yukimura/Ryoma. You will know in the second chapter.**

**I couldn't hold out so I wrote the first chapter already.**

**Yeah..**

**This will be angst well at least to me its angst, I don't know about you people, and I hope you liked the start.**

**I apologize beforehand for the spelling, grammar and stuff, shortness and other stuff that you didn't like about this fic…**

**So, any thoughts about this one?**


	2. Eyes

The owner of those eyes looked at Ryoma and asked: "Echizen? Echizen Ryoma?"

Eyes in the color of a dark blue ocean. Eyes, that pulls you closer and then never lets you go, his eyes.

"Atobe… Kei… go?" Ryoma asked, never letting go those piercing eyes.

Even after ten years he still held that aura of power around him, that aura that, just like his eyes, pulled you closer to him.

Atobe Keigo.

His face reflected his inner surprise and confusion, but only for a few moments. Then that well know smirk adorned his face. Just like the one he wore when they played countless tennis matches, but at the same time different. Scarred by the world truth and twisted by the darkness of people's hearts.

'_But still… Not as much as me. My smile, smirk and laughs are gone. He still has them._' Ryoma thought to himself, as he once again looked at Keigo, just to print that face in his memory. To make sure he won't forget. So that he could still remember someone. So he could still dream of the days he was still happy.

"I never thought of meeting you here." Keigo said, looking into the empty, emotionless eyes and noticing the damp elbow-length hair, wrinkled clothes.

"I, on the other hand, never thought of meeting you again." His voice held something that slightly resembled a laugh, but disappeared too fast to be noticed.

They both stood there, looking at each other, remembering.

Ryoma finally broke the silence between them by saying: "I'll go now."

But just as he turned around to blend into the crowd and get another partner for this night, or was it morning already, Keigo grabbed his hand. Ryoma turned around and looked at him, asking without opening his mouth.

"Come with me." Was all Keigo said before dragging him to somewhere.

Ryoma didn't protest. He didn't try to escape. He couldn't.

They stopped at one of the many restaurants. Ryoma just looked at it for a moment before shifting his dead golden eyes to Keigo.

"Let's go." The voice that was so used to barking orders to the people around him didn't leave any place to objection. Whoever the order was directed to could only blindly follow it, without making a sound, without a single complaint.

Just blindly follow.

Keigo led them to the back of the restaurant. There was a single table that seemed empty at the first look, but once Ryoma looked more closely, carefully he could recognize one more person from his past. Someone he had looked up to. Someone he respected, but at the same time hated.

Tezuka Kunimitsu.

"Tezuka. Sorry I'm late. I happened to run into someone familiar and decided to take him with me."

Tezuka nodded his head in understanding and looked at Ryoma. When he recognized the handsome man in front of him, Tezuka's eyes widened. But that was the only reaction he showed on his face, what happened in his head, in his heart Ryoma could only guess. Tezuka, as always, could hide his emotion behind a mask. The mask would never crumble, never crack. It would cover his face as long as he himself didn't remove it.

He wasn't the only one who had hurt him, but that wasn't important at this moment.

"It's nice to see you again, Tezuka-san." He didn't try to smile, he didn't try to decorate his voice with fake emotions. He still felt hate towards the man that was sitting at the table. He still couldn't forgive him for the scars that would never heal. For the first push to the direction of the life he has now.

He sat down and Keigo followed him. They sat there, in the silence until Tezuka asked the one question that haunted everyone that knew Ryoma:

"Why did you disappear?"

Ryoma didn't answer, didn't try to come up with some lies and didn't try to make excuse for himself. He had to think about the answer before saying it for everyone to hear.

"I…" he started but then stopped for a moment "No. My spirit and my heart broke. I… just couldn't do it anymore." He said. His eyes were focused on the glass of whiskey in his hands.

Ryoma didn't see… More like, he didn't want to see the confusion on their faces and he didn't want to answer any more useless questions. He didn't want to let them know his want for human warmth, he didn't want them to find out his damaged self.

"I… Sorry, but I don't understand you." Tezuka said after the minutes of silence. Keigo shot him a well masked glare, but Ryoma saw it. His eyes may be emotionless and as good as dead, but they could still see the littlest things, the well hidden emotions.

'_So Atobe understood my words…_' he bitterly thought to himself. He shifted his gaze to Tezuka and opened his mouth to say the same thing once again. He wasn't ready to repeat it again, but he had to. He had to it so that everyone would leave him alone.

The call of someone stopped the talk that wasn't even started.

Someone placed a hand on Ryoma's shoulder and then that someone leaned closer to his ear and whispered quiet enough so that the rest of the people in the restaurant couldn't hear, but at the same time, loud enough so that Keigo and Tezuka heard every word that came out of his mouth.

"Ao-chan, are you free right now?" voice low and seducing.

"Depends." his voice the same as always.

"Hmmm.. You do seem to have company." A quick glance at the two and then back to Ryoma "But they seem too boring to you, Ao-chan. I could be able to, heh, entertain you just the way you like it." kiss on Ryoma's ear.

"Sure, why not." Ryoma doesn't try to remember his name, he just agrees like always. Agrees and obeys.

He notices the shock in Tezuka's and jealousy, or is it rage, in Keigo's eyes. He almost smirks as he leans closed to Keigo's ear and whispers his profession, fake name, and price and phone number before leaving them and following the man to another hotel to spend few hours in another's warmth. To feel the same alluring pain, to get same pleasure from it and to feel needed.

Ryoma saw jealousy that never left Keigo's eyes and somehow couldn't help but feel guilty and a little bit happy because of that. Be he soon forgot everything about those eyes, memories and feelings as warm fingers caressed his body and soft lips kissed his own and he lost his mind for the few fleeting moments.

Just for one night.

* * *

**A/N: Well.. I don't really know what to say to you… Just wanted to ask you to leave a review and tell me your thoughts about this chapter…**

**Actually, I really hope you liked it and it was at least somewhat interesting and didn't let you down. **


	3. Again

Again.

Again the same cold morning, the same emptiness. His partner left early, he fell asleep after that and woke up in the cold hotel room, alone. He got up from the bed and got dressed, just like every night before that. He smiled to himself as he saw the reflection on the mirror. The same as yesterday, the same as always – lost, alone, hurt.

Then something different from the usual routine happened. Just like few days ago, when he ran into Keigo and then met Tezuka.

It seemed as if his life was changing, against his own will.

That something different wasn't the sudden ringing of his phone. It was the person that was calling him. Ryoma stared at his phone and after moments answered it. He was sure that it was just another client.

"Hello."

"_Echizen, is that you?_"

Ryoma almost dropped the phone from his hands. He couldn't believe it. He admits that he gave Keigo his number and other information, but to actually think that he would call… Ryoma was sure that he wouldn't do that, but it seemed that his assumption was wrong.

"Atobe? Why are you calling?" he might as well act all innocent and pretend.

"_Are you free right now?_"

"Not really. Why?" Ryoma wanted to lie and say that he's with someone, that right now he's having the time of his life. But the words stuck in his throat and didn't come out. For some reason his mouth refused to lie to this man. And again those eyes showed up in front of him and again he felt something that he hadn't felt so long.

Guilt.

"_Meet me in front of the hotel you are in after ten minutes._" and that was all he said to him before hanging up.

Ryoma blinked a few times before the words sank in. It was unexpected to actually receive a call from him, but now he wants to meet again.

Why?

To ask Ryoma to stop what he is doing or to use him, just like all the others before? The second one was impossible, even Ryoma knew that. Keigo was married with some high class girl and was living a perfectly happy life, but probably only on the outside. It's always like that for the rich.

The ten minutes passed by fast as he was thinking about such things and wondering why was he wondering about them. Just after seeing Tezuka and Keigo he started to act strange. Even if it was only a few days ago something changed then, but he didn't know what.

The moment Ryoma stepped over the doorstep Keigo was already in front of him, looking at him. Ryoma nodded in acknowledgement and looked straight into those challenging eyes. In the next moment he was already pushed into the black car and once again he didn't protest, just followed.

They drove in silence and the only sound was the humming of the engine and the traffic noises outside of the car.

"Why are you doing this?" a question that cut through the silence.

A question that Ryoma couldn't answer, that he was afraid to answer.

Keigo looked at Ryoma, eyes scanning him and at the same time searching for an answer. Since all he got was silence Keigo asked again, but this time his voice was commanding:

"**Why are you doing this, Echizen?**"

Ryoma flinched hearing Keigo's voice. He slowly turned his head to look into Keigo's eyes and asked in return:

"Why? Why do you want to know? Tezuka asked you or you just don't have anything better to do?" Eyes still looking into Keigo's, voice emotionless as always and his words cold.

"No. I just want to understand." And truly, his eyes were telling the same thing. But Ryoma had learned that trust only leads to pain, Tezuka proved that to him once and that one time was enough. The rest of the regulars weren't better. They didn't believe him no matter how hard he tried to explain it and no matter how many times he swore that it wasn't his fault.

In the end they still believed Tezuka, not him.

"I won't tell. It has nothing to do with you."

"Then let me buy you." It seemed that Keigo already knew that Ryoma would refuse.

But it still surprised Ryoma when he heard it. And the small laugh coming from Keigo meant that it showed on his face.

"You know my price."

Keigo just looked at him and said: "I know, Ao-_chan_." And laughed at the irritated face that Ryoma made.

Ryoma never thought that he would show his expressions on his face again, but this man, Atobe Keigo, pulled the out of him. Just the thought of someone like Keigo, being capable of doing that, in the state that he was in, was unbelievable.

Why was he affecting him so much? What was so special about the rich man?

Just half an hour later they could be found in one of Keigo's houses, making out on the bed covered in lavender colored silk sheets. Pants echoed through the empty room as they remover all their clothes, breaking the kisses only for short moments.

"Aren't you married or something?" Ryoma asked, while Keigo was taking off his shirt, while sitting on top of him.

"Midori doesn't care, besides, we will divorce soon." And he leaned to steal another kiss from Ryoma.

This time Keigo's hands started to explore Ryoma's chest and stopped at his nipples. A gasp escaped through Ryoma's mouth, into the kiss. Ryoma wrapped his hands around Keigo's neck and moaned as one of his nipples was pinched, hard.

Keigo smirked as his other hand went lover and found Ryoma's half erect member and touched it lightly on the head and earned another gasp from Ryoma. He started to move his finger up and down lightly touching the now fully erect organ and sucked one of his nipples.

By now Ryoma was already lost in pleasure. How could Keigo make him lose himself this fast with only kissing and touching? Why could he fill Ryoma's cold heart with warmth so great that it was overwhelming?

The ministrations stopped and Ryoma whimpered at the loss of touch and the feeling of skin rubbing against skin and the warmth that Keigo radiated.

But he forgot everything as Keigo entered him fast and hard. He screamed as Keigo kept ramming into him with such force and hitting that one sport every time, over and over again.

Ryoma's moans became lauder and louder with each trust and he felt so close to the edge. Few more thrusts and Ryoma saw white as came, covering his stomach with semen. In response to his muscles tightening around Keigo's member he too came inside Ryoma and collapsed on top of him, smearing Ryoma's semen between them.

They both were panting hard and their sweat covered bodies were so hot that it was almost unbearable to lie so close to each other, but at the same time it felt so good.

Ryoma was already falling asleep when Keigo heard him mumble something quietly to himself before falling asleep. He decided that it wasn't anything important and also fell asleep.

"_This is the warmth that I was searching for._"

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know. It was a very short chapter. -.-**

**I wanted to write it longer, but my free time has shortened a bit since I have this BIG project at school, so I won't be updating or uploading oneshots till the end of next week. :3 **

**P.S. I hope the lemon scene was acceptable, since I'm not too good at writing lemons.**

**And thanks to all the people that reviewed! :3 **

**It really makes me happy that you like this fic! :3**

**(As you can see I'm still addicted to that emoticon. :D)**


	4. Pleasure

Pleasure.

That was the only thing that Ryoma felt at that moment.

It wasn't anything sweet, lingering or loving. It was just rough sex. The pain and pleasure mixed together, the feel of body touching body, the smell of sweat and human warmth.

Real human warmth.

Even if this time was almost the same as his very first, all those years ago, this time the he wasn't afraid of it. He didn't cry and he didn't beg anyone to stop and there wasn't that physical and emotional pain.

This time the pain was pleasurable, sweet and warm.

Just as warm as Keigo's breathe on his neck, his big hands that held him close.

"This is the warmth that I was searching for." He said before falling asleep.

'_Feels nice._' He thought and shifted slightly in the soft bed.

Ryoma slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was chest. The muscular and toned chest of another man. His eyes widened and he slowly sat up and took a look around before settling his gaze back at Keigo.

This was the first for him. Waking up before his customer. Waking up and finding him still there, in the bed that hasn't lost its warmth yet. So many firsts, so many unexpected things, so many unwanted emotions, so many forgotten memories happened in these past few days.

"Keigo." His soft lips whispered the name. It sounded so nice to him. So familiar. This one five letter word made him feel so many unwanted, forgotten emotions.

Ryoma pulled his legs to himself, wrapped his arms around them and placed his head on his knees. He smiled a sad smile to himself.

"I look like a crying child right now."

He raised his head and looked at Keigo one more time, before getting out of the bed. The silk sheets moved against his body, caressing it as if begging him not to leave.

Ryoma repeated the same every day morning routine, but faster and quieter. He dressed took some money from Keigo's wallet, and wrote a small note that only had two words in it.

'_Thank you.'_

Ryoma didn't know why he wrote them or if they had any meaning, but those were the only two words that came in to his mind.

And this action was also a first for him. The first time he had thanked someone, the first time he had left someone a note. The first time he had felt so confused.

The first time he thought that what he did with his body was wrong.

'_I'm starting to lose it._' He thought and left the bedroom.

It was so quiet in the mansion. Not a single sound that would break the magical sensation of it.

Ryoma was already reaching for the door knob to get out of the mansion when someone opened them from the other side. Everything happened in slow motion as the wooden doors opened and bright light blinded his eyes. The next thing he saw was a beautiful lady in her late twenties.

The green eyes that seemed to see through him traveled up and down, scanning his clothes and face. It was almost as if she could look into his soul. She clearly gave off the aura of wealth and power, so she was probably Keigo's wife.

'_Her name was Midori, if I remember correctly._' He thought to himself. Ryoma could guess why she was named 'Midori'.

She slowly formed words and her sharp voice woke Ryoma from his daydream.

"Who are you?"

Ryoma blinked three times and then said in a small voice:

"My name is Echizen. Echizen Ryoma. I'm Atobe-sans friend, I guess." Ryoma lied about being friends with her husband, but thanks to the years of training she probably won't be able to tell anyway.

"Hmm…" her look clearly said that she still doubted him.

He bowed a little to her and walked past her saying: "I should get going now."

Even if she did say something in return, Ryoma didn't hear it, he didn't even try to listen to her.

He just couldn't look and talk to her any longer. Ryoma couldn't stand her. Somehow he felt jealousy towards her. He couldn't understand why, but it had something to do with Keigo.

The night together only made him more confused. His body was burning in all the places that Keigo had touched just hours ago. He already missed the feeling of his breath against his neck, those big, warm hands holding him. But most of all Ryoma missed Keigo's warmth.

'_Why?_'

He rushed through the empty streets trying to empty his mind, hide his emotions, trying to become the empty 'him' again.

'_Why? Why? Why?_' "Why?"

Ryoma just ran.

The sun was blinding his eyes and when his legs could no longer run, Ryoma stopped and then raised his head and looked straight into the sun, trying not to blink and look away.

"Why do I change so much because of him?"

He stood there, in the middle of the road, and looked into the blinding sun, at the blue sky. Trying to find answers, hoping that he won't remember the painful memories that he suppressed for ten years.

'_Now that I think about it, Tezuka looked like he had forgotten what he did to me. Shitty bastard._'

Ryoma started to move again, but this time he walked. With slow steps he walked to his apartment.

This night will be cold. Ryoma couldn't force himself to go look for a customer, not in his current condition. His body could still clearly remember every touch that Keigo made.

It was the same kind of feeling that he had felt so long ago. But that time he got hurt so much. He was used and then betrayed by the one he loved.

He promised himself that he will never fall in love again. But as it seemed destiny had other plans.

With these thoughts on his mind Ryoma remembered that night. That night that ruined his life.

"_No! Please stop! It hurts!"_

_A gag was put into his mouth and he could no longer scream, only cry. Ryoma's usually cocky and bratty attitude was gone. Fear took over his body and he trembled as tears flowed down his face._

_His arms tied above his head, clothes ripped off and thrown somewhere. His body completely bare and exposed to the older teen. _

_Ryoma was no longer fighting back. At first he tried, but the slap that he got still hurt so much and it was useless either way. He could only hope that everything will be over soon._

_As soon as the older pushed himself inside Ryoma's virginal hole he creamed into the gag. It hurt so much. His back side was burning and the pain that went through his body was unbearable._

Ryoma shaked his head and forced himself to not remember anymore. It was still too painful to remember, even after all this time.

He reached his apartment and once he was inside he headed for the cold bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Even if he had slept at Keigo's house after feeling the unwanted emotions and remembering that night his body was tired.

"Keigo was warm. It was the warmth that I need."

* * *

**A/N: … **

**A bit of the past revealed.**

**And I apologize for the shortness. I am a master at making them short. I haven't found a cure for that yet.**

**In the mean time – did you like it? **


	5. Memories

Memories.

So many different memories showed themselves to Ryoma after so many years. Sad, happy, embarrassing and lonely. It seemed as if the lock that held them far away, in the deepest part of his mind, had broken and let the flow freely.

It was another restless night as Ryoma saw his days in Seigaku tennis club again. The laughs and competition, kind smiles and friends. Ryoma sometimes hoped that he could go back and stay young, innocent and pure forever, but then there were time when he wished that he would have never moved to Japan and joined the club.

He was lying on his bed, covered in sweat and panting a bit. The sheets had wrapped around him while he was tossing around during the night and made him feel uncomfortable.

But even then Ryoma did nothing even as he heard someone knocking on his door.

"Probably another door-to-door salesman or someone lost…" he murmured and continued to stare at the dirty ceiling. His eyes tried to look past things that couldn't be seen, past his own mind.

The banging became louder and faster, but he still tried to ignore it.

"Echizen. Echizen! Are you there? Open up! Echizen!" someone started the yell from the other side of the door. Such a familiar voice, but Ryoma still couldn't remember who it belonged to.

Slowly he untangled from the sheets and started to walk towards the door.

Ryoma stood in front of the door and stared blankly at it. He didn't want to open, to talk to anyone at the moment. His voice was slightly hoarse when he called out to the person on the other side of the wooden object.

"What do you want?"

The banging and the yelling stopped.

Silence.

Then another voice, muffled by the door between them, could be heard: "Echizen, is it you?"

Something shadowing a smile graced Ryoma's lips: "I don't know myself anymore."

And again there was silence between them.

"Umm… Can you please open the door Echizen? We just want to talk to you." the first voice again. Both of them sounded so familiar, but at the same time so new.

"Depends on who are you."

"I'm Fuji and the other with me is Inui. Do you remember us?" Fuji's voice held a slightly surprised tone. Ryoma once again recalled the memories from so long ago. The faces of his two sempais were slightly blurry in his head, but he still remembered.

He sighed and turned the key to unlock the lock and opened the door. So now, in front of him stood two of his old sempais. Neither changed too drastically, Inui still had his glasses and the spiky hair cut, but Fuji's hair had grown longer and were taken back into a ponytail. His eyes were closed as always.

Ryoma didn't say anything, only stepped back a little to let them both in. They quietly entered his dark apartment and sat on the small sofa in the living room.

He made tea for himself and them and when it was ready he went to where they were. He still didn't want to talk about the past, especially to the ex-regulars. The pain was still too raw.

Once he sat down, brought his legs up to himself and started to drink his tea, Fuji spoke: "You've changed."

"Well sorry to sadden you, but I highly doubt that one can stay the same after experiencing what I did. Besides, why do you care?"

Ryoma didn't care if he sounded mean; it wasn't like he actually wanted to talk about this. Now that he thought about it… Why did he actually let them in?

He could see that Fuji and Inui were a little shocked and doubted that they will say anything for a while, trying to find another strategy how to talk to him.

"So, why exactly are you here anyway? But now that I think about it, how did you know where I live?"

Inui shifted a bit and took out a black notebook. "Echizen, you forgot that I have my sources. After meeting Tezuka few days ago and hearing that he actually met you was a big surprise to us, so I tried to find out where you live so…"

"Ī still don't get it why are you here sempais." Ryoma said and took a sip of his tea before continuing,"Does Tezuka have something to do with this?"

This time it was Fuji who answered: "Partly. We wanted to talk to you about what happened ten years ago."

"Tezuka raped me; you didn't give a shit, said that I was lying, kicked me out of the team and forgot about me till this moment. That's all there is to it, nothing to talk about."

"It's true that we did that, I don't want to make excuses for it, but…"

"'But' what, Fuji-sempai? You came here to finally listen to the truth? Sorry, but it's kind of too late for that, don't you think? And from what I saw Tezuka didn't look like he himself actually cares, or remembers what he did to me, so why would you care?"

"He really doesn't remember." Inui interjected "He got hit by a tennis ball on the head and forgot some parts of his memory."

Ryoma snorted and placed the tea cup on the table: "Yeah right, and I'm the tooth fairy whose name is Bill. Tezuka getting amnesia from a tennis ball is true as Atobe going bald." The sarcasm was obvious in his voice.

"But it's true! After he actually confessed, year later, about what he did to you Momo hit a Jack Knife in his direction and the ball hit his head really hard, so… He really doesn't remember Echizen." Fuji opened his eyes to look straight into Ryoma's.

The lifeless gold met fierce icy-blue. It was a silent battle between them. Inui quietly sat next to Fuji and from the corner of hi eyes Ryoma saw him write down notes.

"Echizen," Inui looked up from the notebook and asked in almost pleading tone "could you please meet with Tezuka one more time and talk with him. Tell him what happened and what he did? Please?"

He stayed silent for a while. Flashes of the past ran through his him. Did he really want to talk to Tezuka? Does he actually need to do that?

He remembered the warmth that he felt when he was together with Keigo, the peacefulness, the slight happiness and the way he made his emotions come back to life.

Ryoma sighed and got up, taking the empty tea cup he said: "I don't think that it's necessary. If he forgot about it, then let it stay like that. I don't want to feel more pain than I already do. Besides, I don't really want to meet him or any other from the rest of the, in the near future."

With that he went out of the small room and after coming back from the kitchen pointed to the door. "I believe that you should go now."

Fuji and Inui stood up and headed to the door, Ryoma behind them. Ryoma hadn't believed a word they said and wasn't going to. His life from that pint had thought him that. But the mixed emotions he felt at the moment said that he still does feel something towards the bespectacled man, but it wasn't love or admiration like it used to be. Not even mere like.

It was hate and disgust.

"Echizen, if you happen to…" Fuji stared, but never finished his sentence.

"Fuji-sempai, I can't, or actually, I won't ever forgive him or any of you in that matter, so I won't meet up with you too. If you really want Tezuka to know what happened, tell him yourself. It would be best that way."

After saying that Ryoma closed the door and returned to his bedroom. He slumped in his bed and brought the sheets over himself and tried to fall asleep again, but this time without the painful memories and the long forgotten feelings.

He just wanted to sleep.

"Keigo…" one last whisper, before the darkness pulled Ryoma into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Pain

Pain.

Such sharp pain went through Ryoma's head as the bottle connected with it. Glass fragments flew to different directions and some smaller ones stayed caught in his long hair.

Blood ran down his face as the drunken man continued with his violent behavior and the people that knew him rushed to help him.

"Hurts." A soft whisper.

As his head was bandaged Ryoma recalled yesterdays conversation with his two former senpais. It was unfair; everything that they had said was utterly selfish, it was probably nothing important to them, but to him the mere thought of recalling that day…

"Ao are you ok? You look awfully pale." A blonde girl that also worked in the same "profession" as Ryoma asked. He sounded worried and when Ryoma looked up he gave one of his small, fake smiles and said:

"I'm fine now, thank you." He didn't know her name, never bothered to remember.

The girl still looked a bit worried as she finished bandaging his head. As soon as that was done Ryoma stood up, but the moment he did that a heavy wave of dizziness came over him. The girl that had bandaged his head pushed him back down on that chair and gave a glass of water.

"Drink this and calm down. After that you should go home, you really don't look too good, you know."

After that she left him alone.

Ryoma slowly drank the cold water and still thought about yesterday. He still couldn't believe that they actually had they had actually thought that he would do what they wanted.

"Idiots. All of them are bunch of freaking idiots."

He stood up once again and after reassuring couple of worried people that he vaguely recognized Ryoma walked out into the cold night's air. The pointless talks, car noises, laughs, unrecognizable song around him whirled into one big noise. Not paying attention to what happened around him, Ryoma walked away from the bar and into the illuminated streets, wandering around aimlessly. The pain coming from his head was still too vivid to ignore and the bandages were a bit too tight.

Somehow he managed to her his cell phone ringing. He didn't even check the caller ID before answering.

"Hello."

"_Ech-Ryoma. Where are you now?_"

"Atobe? …Why do you want to know?" The second time in four days Keigo called. The second time in four days that Ryoma felt truly surprised. And only after a while he fixed the fact the Keigo had called him by his first name.

"_Because I would like to meet you again and…_" he was cut off as someone else called Ryoma. Someone right next to him, someone that knew him, someone Ryoma didn't want to meet.

"Echizen… Why are you here and what happened to your head?"

Ryoma didn't know what to say. Right there, almost in front of him stood some of the people that he had least expected to meet, just like Keigo, Tezuka and his other too sempais from yesterday.

Momoshiro, Ryoma bitterly thought, hadn't changed at all; the same could be told about Ann that was hanging on his arm. Kikumaru on the other hand had finally got rid of the band aid that used to be constantly on his cheek and since he already talked to Fuji yesterday…

"_Ryoma? Is everything ok? Ryoma?_" Keigo's worried voice was ignored.

"For your information, Momoshiro-senpai, I work here and what happened to my head is clearly not your business." Ryoma said, voice cold and expression bored.

Ryoma ignored them as he continued his talk with Keigo:

"Atobe, can you come pick me up?"

"_Sure, but what happened? I thought I heard you say 'Momoshiro'. Is everything ok?_"

"Don't worry about that."

Ryoma finished his talk with Keigo after telling his whereabouts and returned his attention to the four people that were still standing there, watching him.

"Echizen, what do you mean by 'I work here'?" Kikumaru asked. His bouncy, happy-go-lucky nature all gone, serious expression adorned his face.

"Exactly what I mean, I work here. Well, to be more precise, I work on the street and in bars." He looked into Kikumaru's eyes and continued "Why do you care?"

It seemed that everyone, even Momoshiro, understood exactly what Ryoma meant by what he just said. Even if other people didn't notice, the air between them was thick. No one was willing to start the talk.

The minutes went by and Ryoma just continued to stare at them with his empty, hate filled eyes. Ann was the only one that dared to ask the one question that haunted their minds:

"Why, Echizen-kun? Why are you doing this to yourself?" she looked into Ryoma's eyes, the same determination that she had all those years back was still there.

Ryoma laughed one of his emotionless laughs: "Why? Simple, because my soul is broken, I'M broken. Do you really think that I can just go back to being the innocent and cocky brat that I was after everything I went through? Oh, please! I've become too indifferent to actually care about what happens to me."

Ryoma spotted a black sports car coming their way and faced them one more time to say his last words before Keigo picks him up: "This is the life I chose; it's too late to try to change something."

Just as the black car stopped Ryoma got in it and just as fast as it appeared it drove away, leaving the shocked people on the crowded street.

In the car Ryoma sat in his seat and watched how his hands were shaking. Keigo sat next to him, but said nothing. Ryoma needed to think and he will talk when he will be ready.

Ryoma couldn't believe himself. He just told them that. All this time he held that pain and hurt in himself and just when Ann had carelessly asked 'Why?', even though she probably knew what had happened, Ryoma wanted to go and slap her to wake her up and open her eyes. But instead he said that, told them how broken he is, how pitiful.

Tears started to for at the corners of his eyes. Somehow after saying it directly into their faces made him feel better, but at the same time – worse.

He didn't know when the car had stopped or when the warm hands suddenly wrapped around his shaking body. Ryoma did know that those warm hands that held him in a warm embrace were all he needed. It was the warmth that he wanted to fell for so long, that he longed for.

"K-keigo… I-it hurts, it hurts s-so much…" he whispered and clutched the shirt on his back tightly.

Keigo still didn't say anything, only held Ryoma close and gave him his warmth.

They stayed like that: one crying, one comforting for a while.

"You know" Ryoma said after calming down a bit "it's their fault that I ended up like this. If they had listened to me back the then maybe it would have turned out differently. I might have been happy."

"It's not too late for you to find happiness, you know? You just have to know where to look." Keigo said, hands still around Ryoma's body.

"You really think so?"

This time Keigo pushed him away, so that they could face each other and Ryoma saw Keigo's old smirk adorning his lips as he said: "I don't think, I know."

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry; it's still not the end! ^^**


	7. Warmth

Warmth.

Such strong and calming warmth took over his body. He felt like melting, he felt as if his heart was freed from the ice wall that had grown around it.

The heat melted it away, for good.

The softness of Keigo's bed underneath him, Keigo himself on top of him, kissing him and tongue exploring every inch of his mouth. It was as if someone had lit fierce, inextinguishable fire. They themselves didn't know how or when it had happened and even if one of them did figure it out, none of them would care.

When Keigo broke the kiss Ryoma opened his eyes and said: "You know that I'm injured, right?"

"As if that is able stop you from continuing to do this." Keigo laughed.

A small, true smile graced Ryoma's lips: "You're right about that." Even if his smile was small, it was probably the most beautiful smile in the world for Keigo.

He leaned down to capture Ryoma's lips in another fiery kiss with tongues fighting for dominance and power. His hands roamed over Ryoma's body, his fingertips ghosting over the white skin briefly touching it and making it more sensitive.

Slowly one hand started to play with one of Ryoma's nipples, the other tried to remove the little clothing he still had on.

Soft moans disappeared into the kiss. Slim hands wrapped around Keigo's neck and refused to let him go when the kiss ended.

"Somehow you're impatient today. Why's that, I wonder."

"I don't know, but it probably has something to do with you."

"I feel honored." Keigo smirked and gave Ryoma one light kiss, before continuing what he was doing.

Up until now Ryoma thought that he was already used to this, after doing it for such a long time and it would no longer make him feel embarrassed and the blush shouldn't slowly appear on his face.

But right now he had to blush when he felt that hot tongue lick his erection. It was so embarrassing to just lie there and know that the person that you like is doing this to you.

This was a new feeling for Ryoma. But uprising even himself he liked it, enjoyed it. The embarrassment that he thought he had lost for good.

But even then Ryoma really wanted to say something, to ask if he can do this to Keigo, not the other way around, but the pleasure that ran through his body as fingers slowly entered him and that hot mouth teased him, clouded his mind and he couldn't will himself to let anything other, that moans and pants, go past his slightly swollen lips.

And then everything was gone. The air, that suddenly felt unbelievably cold, that came in contact with his hot body made Ryoma shiver, but he was soon engulfed in that overwhelming heat as Keigo pushed himself in and kissed Ryoma again.

Ecstasy from the deep, passionate kiss and the thrusts that hit that one special spot made him see white as he closed his eyes and came.

Keigo came only moments later with a low groan and Ryoma felt the warm semen spread in him.

And once again, just like the first time they did it in this room, they slept together, Ryoma pressed to Keigo's chest, warm hands wrapped around him. The sweat made them sticky and the heat and smell of sex that still lingered in the air around them, made them slightly uncomfortable, but at the same time so good.

"Ne Keigo, did you know? This is the second time that I didn't have to fake my pleasure, while having sex." Ryoma said in sleepy voice, his finger drawing circles on Keigo's chest.

"So I'm special then?"

Ryoma raised his head slightly, so that he could put his chin on his hand and look into Keigo's eyes. A playful smirk formed on his lips. "You could say that."

Keigo lifted his hand to play with a strand of Ryoma's hair. Ryoma used Keigo's chest as a pillow again and slowly his eyes closed and the exhaustion took over him.

He fell asleep without seeing the loving smile that Keigo gave him and he didn't feel how the big, warm hand stroked his hair.

When Ryoma finally woke up from his slumber the room was empty. He sat up and looked for any sigh that might tell him where Keigo is.

On the pillow right next to him was note, written in beautiful, slightly curved handwriting that belonged to Keigo, Ryoma was sure of it.

'_Don't run away this time._

_I'll be back in the evening, so wait for me._

_Keigo._'

Ryoma chuckled to himself as he read the short note. "I guess I can't run away this time."

Slowly he got out of the bed, found his clothes and walked out of the room, in hopes of finding the kitchen and getting something to eat.

He walked in random direction, looking at all the beautiful paintings, flowers and whatever else was put in the halls and room for decoration. Two or three maids rushed past him, one ignored him, but the others slightly bowed their heads.

He found the kitchen after asking one of the young maids for directions. When he entered the cream colored room, the first thing he saw where the green eyes that he had seen the first time he was here.

Keigo's wife looked at him and Ryoma looked at her, both saying nothing, just silently observing each other. He had already forgotten her name and she probably didn't even try to remember his. It wasn't an awkward silence between them, just that they both seemed a bit surprised.

"Hello again, Echizen-kun." the woman finally said, a sweet smile appearing on her lips.

"A-ahh…" Ryoma was taken aback by the fact that she still remembered his name.

She turned around and walked back to the table, waving her hand, as if saying 'follow me'. Ryoma once again just blindly followed someone.

They sat down and instantly a plate with food was put in front of Ryoma. He started to eat, waiting for her to start talking first, since he had forgotten her name and didn't really know what to talk about.

"My name is Midori, so you can call me that. Since I'm not Japanese, I like to be called by my name. Is that ok with you Echizen-kun?"

"It's fine. You can call me by my name too, if you want."

She smiled and nodded her head in approval. After that she didn't say anything, waiting for Ryoma to finish his food.

"Ryoma-kun, I hope you take good care of Keigo from now on." Midori suddenly said.

"Huh?" Ryoma could feel his cheeks getting warmer.

She blinked: "Well, since we are already divorced and it seems that Keigo has finally gotten you all to himself, I hope that you will make sure he doesn't overwork himself. He tends to do that from time to time."

It seemed that she was fine with the fact that her husband left her for another man. And that he is sitting in front of her. What's more, the creepy gleam in her eyes made Ryoma shiver. He didn't know why, but it was somehow very scary.

"Oh, and don't worry about that 'He left you because of me' stuff. We wanted to have a divorce for a while now and besides, he told me that he's gay and doesn't plan to like me that way from the very start, so it's fine!" Midori waved her at Ryoma and laughed at the expression of surprise that he was wearing. After looking at her watch she stood up and looked at Ryoma one more time, smiling a gentle smile again.

"But really, do take good care of him."

"Ok, Midori-san." Ryoma heard himself say the words, even before he had the chance to think of an answer. His heart seemed to have chosen in the place of his mind already.

The rest of the day went by pretty fast as he mulled over the feeling that to him seemed to be all new and never felt before.

Embarrassment, like, happiness, trust and warmth.

Ryoma felt as if he had learned to live again, learned about real human warmth that only the special someone could show and give him.

Distantly he heard someone talking and footsteps coming closer to him. A weight was placed on the back of the love seat he was sitting in. He looked up and saw Keigo looking down on him.

The only light came from the moon that was shining behind the windows and the room was dark. Keigo's face seemed pale now as the moonlight and the shadow from his bangs fell on his face. But his eyes still were brilliantly blue, even in the semi-darkness they were in.

"I see that you didn't run away." He whispered.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." Ryoma whispered back.

Keigo's hand cupped Ryoma's chin and turned his head around, so that they were facing each other. Ryoma wrapped his arms around Keigo's neck and closed the distance between their lips.

This time the kiss wasn't the one where you fight for dominance. It was deep, but at the same time soft and romantic, with every emotion they felt for the other clearly shown.

They didn't let go of each other for a long time.

* * *

**A/N: And this is the end. ^^**


End file.
